Happy New Year?

Are you happy? If you are like many people in the United States then the truthful answer to that question is "no". According to empirical data compiled over several years through General Social Surveys of the United States only 30% of us are "very happy". When I had my private law practice January was one of our busiest months for divorces and domestic violence. Between the stress of holidays, the darkness of the days, the often bleak weather, and the coming of the Christmas credit card bills, it is often simply too much. Professional counselors also report a significant increase in depression at this time of year. These feelings are not limited to adults. Government statistics released last week showed that nearly one in 10 teenagers, or 2.2 million, experienced major depression in 2005. For many the prospect of another year is anything but happy.

Do you want to be happy? That is a better question. Some people are so chronically depressed that they actually answer that question "no", however, the overwhelming majority of us really want to be happy. So how can you achieve happiness? Let me offer five quick suggestions for the new year:

1. Laugh! Did you know that the average American child laughs 200 times per day, while adults only laugh 15 times a day. That is what a recent Harvard Medical Study concluded. So why are we so serious? We let things weigh us down when we would be better off laughing. The study demonstrated numerous physical benefits to laughing from brain chemistry to blood pressure, cholestoral levels, reducing pain levels and many others. Besides that it's fun!

Come on, think about it. A lot of people spent a lot of money and wrote a very impressive paper to demonstrate that laughter really is the best medicine! Or think about the government well-being studies to determine whether you are happy. The extensive report takes a very serious approach: "This approach has a Benthamite utilitarian flavor. It may be viewed as an empirical
cousin of the experienced-utility idea advocated by Kahneman." It's amazing how serious we can take fun.

Honestly my twin six-year-old sons understand laughter best and it is exactly why Jesus chastised his serious disciples and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14. We spent New Year's in New York and went to the Central Park Zoo where these pictures were taken. My boys laughed a lot and made us laugh. So go ahead and break out of your shell - and laugh!

2. Let Go. The older we get the more baggage we hold onto. Holding onto the wrong that was done to us by someone else only hurts us - not the other person - so why hold on? Don't be a timid rabbit. Be bold and let go. Don't let fear or anxiety control you. Greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7. So don't be controlled by what others say or do, but rather be self-controlled and "do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31.

3. Lean. You cannot do everything yourself. I don't know why we have such a hard time acknowledging we need help. We get ourselves trapped in a web of our own design because we won't lean on the help of others. If you're not in a church small group or have a group of positive encouraging friends, then you need to attend a local church and find this group. We all fail and every one of us needs help and encouragement to face the difficult challenges of life. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. So lean a little!

4. Learn. Did you know that there are more male snails than female snails? I didn't. Now I know that is not an earth shattering fact to know, but my boys thought it was pretty cool and I couldn't help thinking how you could tell the difference and who checked all the snails to know this?! Go ahead - laugh! Daniel is reading everything he can get his hands on and he recently read about Balto, a brave Alaskan dog who led a team of sled dogs across treacherous terrain to save the people of Gnome, Alaska in the 1920's. Balto lived out his days in the Cleveland Zoo and they erected a statue in his honor in Central Park and my sons wanted to visit the statue so we found it and took them. Is that information important? It's not brain surgery, but it is fun to learn knew things and to learn them together with family or friends. It is not just a public service announcement - learning is fun! Learning helps us to be less self-absorbed and realize that we are part of something much bigger. Information helps us connect with other people and causes us to listen and look outside of our own particular problems and challenges. "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful... Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9.

You can learn all sorts of fun things. If you want joy you can hold a Joy Seminar at your work - no kidding! Or better yet you can become a certified yoga laugh instructor by visiting www.laughterforhealth.com. Truth is often the funniest medicine of all.

5. Love. It's hard to love when the world is crashing in around you, but love is the key to true happiness. "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:10-12. So don't stick your head inside a safe tortoise shell. Step out of your protective shell and love. You may not be loved back - you can't control that - but you can love even the unlovable because of He who loved you enough to die for you.

Happy New Year! So have a very happy new year! Laugh a lot, lean a little, let go of the past - this is a new year - learn, and love. And if none of that works and you're still experiencing marital problems then remember the sage advice of the old song: "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife, so from a personal point of view get an ugly woman to marry you!"

Posted by Bruce D. Strom, attorney and Executive Director of Administer Justice a charitable not for profit organization providing free or low-cost mediation, financial and legal services to empower the powerless, provide hope for the hopeless and show mercy and compassion to one another. For more information visit www.administerjustice.org